Are You too Immersed in Your Life to See Clear?

Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should live their lives, but none about his or her own. by Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist

Don’t you just love this line? Although the shepherd boy was speaking of this in a negative sense, in the “Why can’t people just mind their own business” kind of way, I’m looking at it from another perspective. I’m looking at it from this perspective: yes, sometimes people do have a good idea of how you should live your life because they are not in it! They may be able to see things more clearly than you can because they are not emotionally attached to the outcome or the events. Hmmm sounds a lot like life coaching doesn’t it? Of course there are a few more things I’d like to point out about this.

First – always take whatever someone says about your own life with a grain of salt. It is, after all, your life. However, always give what they said some consideration. People give advice left and right. You can’t walk 20 steps down a busy street without hearing some kind of advice to someone. Really isn’t that what commercials are? Advice on which products to buy. People love to give advice. So when they do take a look at it and see if there are any grains of truth in there that may support you. Always give the advice offered to you due consideration, then give the person a “thank you,” and release it if is doesn’t apply or take it if it does.

Second – remember whenever you share your troubles with someone their first instinct will be to help you fix that problem. So if you don’t want advice just say something at the beginning. “I’m not looking for advice I’d just like to share,” is a great line to put people on alert that you just want to release something. (I call it ranting!) So consider yourself warned – if you are sharing a problem with someone, you’re going to get advice.

Third – always listen to what the other person is saying to the end. Don’t tune out what they are saying after the first few words because you don’t think the person understands where you are coming from. Also, just because someone is not currently going through what you are going through, doesn’t mean they don’t get it. They may be getting it alright and, what’s more, because they didn’t live through it they don’t have that emotional baggage attached to it. They may be able to see the answer so much clearer than you can. If you hear yourself saying “you don’t understand,” take a really good look at why you were so ready to dismiss the other persons words. Take a real good, deep, unbiased look at why you didn’t want to hear what the other person said.

Fourth – IT’S YOUR LIFE! For goodness sake, tell them to mind their own business if they keep giving you unsolicited advice on how to deal with your own life. My goodness people can be such busybodies.


In love and light


Do You Trust Your Own Inner Wisdom?

The Master observes the world

but trusts his inner wisdom.

Verse 12 from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu

The Tao Te Ching keeps reminding us that the best place to look for what works for us and what doesn’t work for us is inside. In this verse we are yet again reminded that, even though we are in this world, that the best guide is still within ourselves. Inside each and every one of us is our true self, our higher self, our divine being. That being, that self, knows exactly what we need and exactly what we need to do to have a life on purpose. It knows what we need to live a life of light and love. It knows totally what our right next step is.

I find it interesting that The Alchemist this week is about using other people’s advice and The Tao Te Ching is about trusting your own. How does that work? We do truly always have our own answers and many times we can’t see them – or, maybe, feel them is a more accurate description. If you are in a clean space with a clear connection to your higher, true self then, contrary to anyone else’s advice, you KNOW exactly what needs to be done. I also believe that many times our emotional involvement with those events and situations will clog, so to speak, the connection to that higher self.

It seems to be a kind of catch-22 here. Emotions are clogging up the channel and yet, feelings are how you connect with the right course of action. As with most things in the Tao it is a paradox. That doesn’t mean it’s not correct. Our emotional reactions to events are caused by our physical selves, our survival instincts and by our egos. When you get past all that emotional baggage, when you get to a place of acceptance and peace around a situation, and then check in with how you feel about what’s going on (you can always call on God/dess, angels, guides and animal spirits for help here. Nobody says you have to do it alone) you will discover a message from your higher self. The answer that makes you feel good is the next step. Those that make you feel bad are not the next step.

The more you practice this connection to your higher self, the easier and quicker you will come to the next course of action. The best way to practice and learn this is to begin on those choices that don’t have as much emotional baggage attached to them. Practice on the “smaller” things so when the “bigger” thing come up, you’ll already know what the process feels like. It’s your life so you will know your next true step.


In love and light


No One Knows Our Experience.

We hammer wood for a housed

but it is the inner space that makes it livable.

Verse #11 from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu

We can only experience the world through our senses. That means that no one really knows how another person is truly experiencing the world. We connect when someone tells us how they are feeling and yet we will never know completely what that is because we all interpret the world differently. Yet, it is our connection to another’s inner being that is so important.

In the printing industry, color management is a constant struggle. You can give a customer all the reasons and challenges for why what they see on their screen does not print out the same and in the end it doesn’t matter if the customer is still disappointed with the project. You can spend lots of time and lots of money so that the actual numbers measured by all the equipment are the same. In the end the customer will see the color with their own eyes and, even though the numbers are prefect, they may not be happy. Not because anything is actually wrong but because they see things with their own eyes which will have very little to do with your numbers.

In these lines, I believe we are being told that no matter what is happening around us, it is what is going on inside of us that matters most. However, what is inside will be different for every one of us. It is our own inner connection that makes this world livable for each of us. The more and more you connect to that inner space and be true to what is going on there, the more and more the outer world becomes a place of peace, beauty, and joy. The next step is to be aware that every one of us is having our own experience with our inner selves. Once we accept that, and have no judgement around what another’s inner space is experiencing, the world will step closer and closer to a place of harmony and love.

In love and light


For Want Of A Nail.


For want of a nail, the shoe was lost;
For want of the shoe, the horse was lost;
For want of the horse, the rider was lost;
For want of the rider, the battle was lost;
For want of the battle, the kingdom was lost,
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

I first read this, or something very similar to this, in Madeleine L’Engle’s book A Wind In the Door. This version is taken from the book The Real Mother Goose.

There are many challenges facing this world and the human race. Many things that are wrong. Many things that cause hurt, pain and misery. So many that it seems to be overwhelming at times, hopeless at other times. I know there are many times I look around and think, “What can I do?” The problems seem so big and I’m just a single person. Those are the times when I think – be the change I want to see in the world. Then I begin to put my own house in order. I look to see what I can do to help the environment, the economy, world peace, homelessness, etc. Yet, everyday the media tells us how bad things are, how much worse things are going to get and how wrong all our leaders are. Again I ask myself, “What can I do?”

Well the first thing I usually think of is turn off the news. The news is not part of the solution. Then I do what I can, when I can, to bring some light into the world. I help my clients get clarity on their lives. I help my employer by solving problems to reduce his stress. I work on my own personal growth so that I can bring higher vibrations into the world. I pick up litter. I support causes. I pray. I create shifts. I do what I can.

Some days it still doesn’t feel like enough.

They seem to be such small things – little things that make no difference. For every piece of litter I pick up, 10 more appear the next day. For every problem I solve, another one comes the next day. For every client I help to take on their life and take responsibility for that life, someone else goes victim and passes the blame.

Then I remember “For want of a nail…” That one act of kindness, that smile to a stranger, that problem I could solve, that client I could support in changing their life, what if any of those are the one thing I don’t do that is the nail that will cause the battle to be lost? What if?

Every act is it’s own reward. The accumulation of small acts are enough to change a world, to win a battle. Apart we are small – together we are multiplied. Remember that when the media and others are blaring in your head, ears, and face about how bad it is. Don’t put blinders on. However, remember that one small act on your part may be all it takes to push the world into Light.

In love and light


Do You Have to Be Right to Support Others?

Can you love people and lead them

without imposing your will?

Verse 10 from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu

In these lines from the Tao Te Ching, we are being asked whether we can help and support one another without allowing our desire to impose our will on them to come into the mix. Anytime you think that a person would just be so much better off if they only would do this – then you are imposing your will on them. At least you would like to impose your will on them. You would like them to change, to be different, to change who they are. All for their own good, of course. In these lines we are being asked to love people without imposing our will on them. In other words, accept them as they are.

Think of a family, business, nation, or world where we worked with people to find their own way and worked to accentuate their positives. Think of how different it would be if, instead of forcing people to learn in a certain way, do things a certain way, or think a certain way, we worked together to find each person’s abilities and strengths and worked with those strengths. Think what it would be like if we encouraged our differences because all of our differences coming together exponentially multiplies what we can be and do. What would it be like in a relationship where, instead of expecting a person to do something your way and change to behave like you think they should, you constantly complimented them on all the things that you liked about them? Think about how your work life might be different if your boss thanked and complimented you everyday on what you did right. Think about how a team of people working together, each doing what they do best, not caring about imposing their will on the rest of team and only concerned about achieving a goal could and would achieve. Think about how much that team could accomplish when they let go of the power trip and the ego and just focused on the goal to be achieved. Can you even imagine this?

During your days, begin to notice where you may be imposing your will on those around you. Think about what this might look like for you. Notice when and how others might attempt to impose their will on you. When these occurrence happen ask yourself why it needs to be this way. Ask if it is the result that is important or the method for achieving that result. Many times the method is very important. That is OK. Are others imposing their will on you or have you made the choice to allow this because on the outcomes it will achieve? There is no right or wrong in this. We are noticing what, why, and when we may be imposing our wills on others and when others are imposing their wills on us. After you make these observations and notices, begin to find new ways of working with people that will accomplish the results wanted but without imposition of a will.

In love and light


Who Are You a Prisoner To?

Care about people’s approval

and you will be their prisoner.

Verse 9 from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu

I love this line! Dr Wayne Dyer has another way of saying this – “To be independent of the good opinion of others.”

I want you to think about a situation in your life where someone else’s opinion mattered a lot to you, I mean really a lot. I want you to recall the conversations you may have had with this person. During these conversations were you willing to express your own beliefs fully and completely? Were you willing to openly disagree with what this other person was saying? Were you so afraid of what they might think of you that you kept quiet and just listened? When you didn’t grasp something they were speaking about, were you willing to ask questions? Were you willing to ask for clarification? What did it feel like? How do you feel when you are in one of those conversations?

When you are in a place where the approval of others matters to you, then, in all likelihood, you are not expressing who and what you are fully and completely. You are allowing that person’s possible reactions to guide how you act and what you may or may not say. Their approval matters more to you than your own freedom of thought and word. You are a prisoner to what you believe they will think of you. You will judge your reactions from their reactions. You will change your likes and dislikes to better fit into their idea of what is good and bad. You will become what you believe they want you to be instead of what you truly are.

Compare that to a genuine discussion between you and someone whose ideas and opinions you value and who you don’t care whether they approve of you or your idea. How do you feel when you are discussing some subject? What is it like when the conversation is a give and take of ideas and beliefs? Compare the conversation where you were seeking the approval of another with the conversation where you valued their ideas but did not need their approval. Which gets more accomplished? Which solves day to day challenges more? Which creates more respect and motivation? Wanting to be liked by another is not a bad thing. It is only when you allow your desire for their approval to overshadow your beliefs and ideas that you become their prisoner. Be aware if you are alternating your thinking because you believe something is really true or because you want to fit in, be liked and gain approval from that other person. Are you their prisoner?

In love and light